Fun:BHH
BBH is the only bit of Glastieven mythology that matters (we mostly forgot the rest anyway; it might have had dragons or something cringe like that). BHB follows the Fourth Army—a blatant rip-off of the Tardis Team from Doctor Who—as these heroes travel through the Dark Network, a space opera retelling of Bugsy Malone crossed with the Illuminati, and do their best to persuade all the drug dealers and career criminals to be nice people.
This crew features Ajax Inuta Krassen, an incel scientist with a famous dad, who uses his grant money to hang out with gangsters; Raven Olympia, a mid-tier Jason Bourne impersonation; Ciarraí Percival Wulfric Brian Kavanah, the Tenth Doctor but a corrupt politician for some reason; and Ro Elluna, that mad axe girl from the Hunger Games. Like all key characters, these characters are a subtle reflection of their creators—Ajax hanging out with the Fourth Army is like Tom at a Night Walk; Robert would cut his dick off to be Raven; Ciarraí is how Kerry made themselves sound in Glastieve: A History; and Ro is Cat's desire to kill everyone personified, albeit wearing a latex suit for some reason.
The villain of HBB is Kerry's ex-girlfriend is Mala Dzumach Kavanah, a gatekeep gaslight girlboss who licks knives and runs the Dark Network. Though BHH only has one villain, the protagonists are always surprised when it turns out to be her.
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Tired of laughing? Unfortunately, Tom made me write a boring article about BHH too. |
History[edit | edit source]
Weird primary school games and autistic dream worlds[edit | edit source]
BBH began as Cat, Kerry and Alfie Knowles 1.0 their friend Kian playing a science fiction i m a g i n a t i o n game at primary school. The game was called Black Hole Hulk, or BHH for short—but because Cat, Kerry and Kian often just referred to it "the game", in typical Glastieven style, we decided to act like The Game was a proper noun (The Group is that you). Fun fact: Michael sometimes played Black Hole Hulk too. As did Alice H, Maya something, Cat's brother Billy, and Kerry's brother Christy, but... um, well, they never became Glastievens, so there's no point mentioning them in the articles. Gotta make it sound like the 2018 iteration of Glastieve had those deep cultural roots ya know.
Kerry struggled to let go of their childhood and so after they left primary school they designed a lovely autistic dream world based on The Game. At the time they still just called it "BHH", but because it was truly whack in places, BHB no longer really claims it, so it gets the bureaucratic-sounding title "The Oburron and Jenner paracosm" instead. Highlights include a brain-controlling Helltunan fungus, an entire story arc plagiarised from a Super Mario 63 Custom Level Designer game, and an attempt to hide Kian's plagiarism of the name "Raven's Gate" by corrupting it to "Ravanasgatr".
Awkward Raveline romantic tension[edit | edit source]
After an optimistic and rather brief attempt to get herself accepted by the cool kids by cutting off her former friends, Cat came crawling back to Kerry in Year 8 and suggested a revival of BBH. Unbeknownst to her, of course, Kerry had kept it alive as their paracosm, and had even tried to revive the imagination game with Michael back in Year 7. No, really.